


DENIAL

by mumofthreedevils



Series: Starcrossed [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Hux is Not Nice, Hux struggles with his feelings., M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-01-17
Packaged: 2018-09-18 03:57:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9366968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mumofthreedevils/pseuds/mumofthreedevils
Summary: Hux's POVHux had always been disciplined. He knew from an early age that if he were to get anywhere he would need to be disciplined and hard on himself and it ultimately meant denying himself things.





	

Hux was mortified with himself. As he stomped along the corridors of the Finalizer he became more and more angry with himself. Troopers and Officers visibly sidestepped to clear the way for the General.

He’d ended his shift over half an hour ago and had made a detour on his way back to his quarters, a detour he was now regretting.

HOW COULD HE HAVE BEEN SO STUPID?!

As he enters his quarters he can feel himself seething. Blood boiling. Skin prickling under his uniform.

He hangs his greatcoat in his closet and loosens the hooks on his uniform jacket at his neck. He still can’t breathe.

“IDIOT” he yells to himself.

 

Hux had always been disciplined. He knew from an early age that if he were to get anywhere he would need to be disciplined and hard on himself and it ultimately meant denying himself things.

At the Academy, he did not mix with the other cadets. His head was on his studies. As the months passed and the other cadets had made friendships and regularly partied, Hux kept himself to himself and his studies. In the end, the invites had stopped and no-one bothered him. 

On the couple of occasions he’d found himself alone with someone, his natural urges tried to engage his body but he only succeeded in some awkward fumblings before scaring off his partner or his partner would get uncomfortably clingy. Hux decided that sex was just a waste of precious time and energy. There was nothing he could get out of a relationship that he couldn’t give himself in the shower in the mornings. It was more efficient that way and he wasn’t left with a messy and inconvenient relationship to deal with.

Taking a break was unheard of. Hux never relaxed. Every waking moment of every day was spent working to the benefit of the Order and his career.

Such was Hux’s life.  
Dedication to the Order, clean, efficient and running to perfection with no interruptions.  
Hux had become one of the youngest generals in the Order because of his self-discipline.

Now, as General, there were only two things Hux indulged himself in, and they were both going to be called for tonight.

The first is a large glass of the finest brandy he could find, which he pours a little more generously than normal. He takes a large mouthful and tops the glass back up before heading to the fresher where he starts to fill the overly large bath he acquired for himself. This is an indulgence he rarely gives himself but tonight is an exception.

As the brandy starts to work it’s magic, Hux removes his uniform, making sure it is perfectly hanging in his closet with no creases to worry about in the morning. He takes his brandy and heads towards the now steaming fresher and as he catches sight of himself in his full length mirror he stops, only for a few seconds. The grip on his brandy glass tightens, his lips purse together tightly and he scolds himself for thinking anyone would want…..’that’.

He shakes his head and goes into the fresher and sinks himself into the bath.  
He sighs deeply and closes his eyes to try and relax but his brain has other ideas. It’s racing through the events of the last few months.

When Kylo Ren had arrived on board the Finalizer Hux had felt cheated. This was ‘his’ command. He’d earnt it through hard work and diligence. To now be told he was to co-command was an insult and his feelings towards Kylo Ren had been bitter.

Kylo’s erratic behavior and occasional need to vent frustration on Hux’s ship did nothing to change Hux’s feelings towards the overgrown man-child. The man had no discipline. Did not take orders well. Avoided meetings. Made no attempt to get to know anyone. Dripping in black robes, always wearing a helmet. Hux had wondered just what was hiding beneath it all. What made this man so angry? 

Slowly, he had found his anger turning to intrigue. He would catch himself staring at the knight. Tall, broad and foreboding. Hux would find his mind wandering before chiding himself and reminding himself of who he was and what he had gone through to get there. 

Then the thought of the day he’d first seen Kylo’s face and there is a traitorous twitch between his legs under the water.

Hux had gone looking for Kylo to reprimand him for……. he can’t even remember what now. He’d found him striding down a corridor and had called for him to stop. Kylo had stopped dead in his tracks, slumped his shoulders in resignation and then raised his hands to release the clasps on his helmet. As he lifted the helmet from his head he had turned to face Hux. His long thick raven hair falling perfectly to frame his long face. He pulled his shoulders back and waited for Hux to speak. 

Hux was…. Speechless.

He stood for a few seconds with his mouth open, struggling to find the words he had meticulously planned in head but he couldn’t find them. He was too mesmerized by the vision before him.

The need for Kylo’s helmet was now painfully clear. The soft brown eyes were soulful and sad as they looked at Hux. His lips were full and rosy red and extremely inviting but the one thing that struck Hux was how young he looked. The Master of the Knights of Ren would never be taken seriously in negotiations or battle without the foreboding helmet to cover that innocence.

“Hux?”

Kylo has said it so softly when Hux fumbled for his words. A deep timbre in his voice without the harshness of the vocoder. Hux had flushed pink from the neck up. His stomach tied in knots and all he could do was turn on his heels and walk away.

“Hux!”

He heard Kylo yell his name again and then the realization set in.

No! He wouldn’t allow it. He’d given up too much in his life to get to where he was and he wasn’t about to fuck it up because he’d suddenly developed feelings for someone. For ‘him’!

For weeks he’d tried to avoid Kylo and stay out of temptations way. He’d tried to regain his discipline and composure and then there was an incident that couldn’t be ignored. Kylo had had another one of his…. he wanted to call it a ‘tantrum’…. that just didn’t seem right for a grown man but for all intents and purposes, that’s exactly what it was. Only this one had landed three troopers in the medbay.

Hux had left it to the end of his shift. He wasn’t about to let this get in the way of his regimented day. As he carried out his duties and saw to the smooth running of his ship, he formed a barrage of words to hurl at Kylo when he saw him. Words to put him in his place. Words to make him shrink. Words to humiliate him. He wanted Kylo to realize that his behavior was unacceptable and as a Co-commander he was expected to set an example.

Hux left the bridge and headed towards to training rooms that Kylo was apparently using. The corridors were quiet and he could clearly hear the clip, clip, clip of his heels as he bandied with the words in his head. This was it, this was his moment, this menace would finally know the wrath of Hux.

The door to the training room quietly swished open and Hux stepped through. Everything was going to plan. He confidently stepped into the hall and opened his mouth to speak and then everything stopped.

Hux stopped in his tracks.  
His brain went completely blank.  
His stomach did an enormous flip.

Kylo was in the centre of the hall. He was dressed in loose black jog pants and a plain black vest. His hair was loose and he was barefoot. He was sweaty and in full motion, swinging his lightsaber at imaginary enemies with a well rehearsed series of moves.

Hux swallowed hard. He’d never seen Kylo like this. He was in absolute awe as he watched the force of nature before him. For the first time he saw that Kylo was indeed tall and broad but he was also sculpted to perfection. The clumsy oaf he’d seen stomping around the ship was actually graceful and powerful and Hux felt something stirring deep within his soul.

He turned and left the hall and barely noticed the voice calling for him as he practically skidded around the corner and headed towards his quarters.

Here he was, sitting in his bath tub with glass in hand and he couldn’t get that vision out of his head. No matter how much he told himself that it was wrong, that it was a bad idea to think about a relationship, that his career came first, that he didn’t deserve this, he still couldn’t think of anything else.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid!” he told himself over and over. His eyes were closed and beginning to feel quite heavy and then he became acutely aware that he was being watched.  
He opened his eyes to be confronted by Kylo standing in the doorway. A very sweaty and barefooted Kylo with a very confused and pleading look on his face.

Hux was horrified.

“How the hell did you get in here? How dare you! Get out! Go away! Get off my ship! I’ve had enough! Do you hear me?!” he spat with venom.

Kylo was stunned. His mouth was open as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words. The look on his face went from confused and pleading to hurt and embarrassed and he slowly stepped back with every word that flew out of Hux’s mouth until he finally turned to leave.

Something in the pit of Hux’s stomach stirred as he watched the dejection on Kylo’s face and then it happened. He’d denied himself everything for his entire life. He couldn’t deny himself anymore.

“WAIT REN!!”……. he couldn’t believe he’d done it.

Kylo stops in his tracks and there is a long pause. As he turns to look at Hux there is hope in his eyes.

“Stay”.


End file.
